My Mother was always very independent, as was her Mother. We come from a long line of very independent women. We are very determined! This is a good thing though because it gets us through a lot of life’s hard times. Having a will of iron is sometimes aggravating to others, especially if they have their own ideas about you or how you should do things. For me, it has been a gift as I have needed it many times. Once, when I was in a car wreck that broke my neck. That was a very difficult recovery and took about a year. The next hard time was when I fell walking my dogs after they tripped me on the sidewalk and I tore everything off the rotator cuff of my right shoulder.. and I am right-handed! I was not allowed to use that arm at all and was in a sling for 6 months! (Try doing hair and makeup with your non-dominant hand. I had to cut my hair short so it took minimal styling and barely got makeup on. I did learn to go some places without makeup though. I hadn’t done that since I was in grade school!!)

The next very difficult time for me was when I found I had an ovarian cancer gene so my doctor recommended that I get both ovaries and tubes removed. That was a very painful surgery recovery for me. I can’t remember having that much pain, ever! At that time, I still had a husband to help me at home though. Then another major surgery after that but thankfully, my daughters stayed with me to help because my husband was not doing well at that time and couldn’t help me. In all these things though, my determination and the LORD have gotten me through.

Recently, I was having very high blood pressure that caused me to have double vision and a very bad headache. I was sent to the ER for a CT Scan to see what was going on. That was a nightmare. I couldn’t drive myself with double vision so my daughter had to take me. We ended up at the ER for 8 hours overnight, awaiting one test after another to determine what was causing this. CT Scan, MRI, blood work, X-rays, etc. They couldn’t find any reason for the double vision so ended up admitting me so they could keep a better eye on things. I was sent to the Neurology floor. After being seen by so many doctors, it was determined that the high BP caused the double vision, called binocular diplopia (double vision! 🤣). So they wanted me to see my Ophthalmologist so she could look into the eye and behind the eye and see if there was any damage to the vessels of the eye. She looked and said I had a teeny stroke from the high BP that affected the tiny blood vessel that affected the muscle that controls the eye. Wow.. we are fearfully and wonderfully made! (Psalm 139:14 “I will praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”) The good news is that it will resolve but could take anywhere from 6 weeks to 3 months. In the meantime, I cannot drive. I have been doing okay around the house like this (it’s like I’m crossing my eyes all the time to see things further away than my computer screen!). But I cannot drive myself anywhere. I have been having to try to get rides to church or doctor’s offices, etc. This has been very difficult for me. People are very busy and I hate bothering them to transport me places! It has been a trial in patience for me and also has caused me to lean even harder on the Lord.

The life of Peter came to mind this morning in the account from John 21:1-19. The Disciples had gone out fishing after Jesus had been crucified and resurrected. While they were in the boat, they caught nothing as the night passed. This was familiar as it had happened before Jesus was crucified also (in Luke 5: 4, 6 & 7). They saw Jesus on the shore but didn’t realize it was him. He was having a fish BBQ! Jesus asked them if they had caught anything and they answered “No.” (v.5). So Jesus told them (as he had before) to cast their net on the other side of the boat and well, just like before, their net was instantly full of large fish! John instantly recognized that it was Jesus then and Peter, realizing the familiarity of this and being as impatient as he was, grabs his outer garment and jumps into the water as soon as he realizes it’s Jesus! They drag the net to shore and Jesus has a fish BBQ with the disciples. After Jesus asks Peter 3x if he loves Him and Peter confirms each time that he does, Jesus tells him this: (v.18) “Most assuredly, I say to you, when you were younger, you girded yourself and walked where you wished; but when you are old, you will stretch out your hands, and another will gird you and carry you where you do not wish.” Then Jesus tells Peter, “Follow Me.”

When we are younger, we never think that anything bad or difficult will happen to us. We got about each day as if we are going to live forever. Then as we get older and one thing after another begins to break down, it makes life difficult. It isn’t easy to have to ask others for help or to be patient and wait until time is available to them in their busy lives to take you places. Just like Jesus told Peter. This is a lesson in patience. But mostly, I think it is a lesson in learning to “Follow Jesus” and depend on Him for each need. We tend to get too self-sufficient to where we just go about our day and because we can do everything for ourselves, we don’t think we need God’s help, much less the help of others.

So, until my sight straightens out, I will be learning more and more to obey and follow Jesus and allow others to be blessed by Him for helping me.